Hot Football Transfer Gossip: West Ham ‘swap Payet for Benteke’, Arsenal ‘make £51m bid’

The Boss of Goss Kevin Darling says "innocent newbies" to the big money transfer market West Ham, are already frustrated in their search for a 'big name' striker barely a week into the summer.

“The world has gone potty.”

That, friends, is the exclusive “insider” insight the Sun has extracted from the corridors of power at West Ham’s Boleyn Ground, or Olympic Park, or wherever it is that Hammers insiders currently reside.

This exasperated cry was the Irons’ response to news that their £31m bid for Lyon striker Alexander Lacazette had been turned down by the French side on the grounds of it being too low.

It’s hard to disagree with the West Ham insider’s assessment of the world, but what these innocent newbies to the big-money transfer market may not be aware is that it’s been potty for quite a while. As such, the Sun reveals that the Hammers are already “frustrated” in their search for a “big-name” striker; they naively assumed that having £30-odd million quid to spend on one would make things easy.

But no. In addition to their Lacazette snub, West Ham are set to miss out on Marseille’s Michy Batshuayi because he “wants Champions League football”, while they have also reportedly had a bid for Bournemouth’s Callum Wilson rejected. It means that, less than a week into the summer, the Hammers are already having to resort to Christian Benteke.

The “unwanted Belgian”, as the Sun rather insensitively describes him, is so far out of Liverpool’s plans that Jurgen Klopp is apparently prepared to let him leave on loan. Even then, the Hammers would not want to pay all of his £120,000-a-week-plus wages.

With £30m suddenly not looking like enough money for the big name striker West Ham desire, some sales could also be on the cards. The Sun says Diafra Sakho and Andy Carroll could be available (the latter for a rather optimistic £15m), while Talksport claims the Hammers could face interest from Real Madrid for their star man Dimitri Payet. The Bernabeu giants are tipped to move for the Frenchman after Euro 2016, as a replacement for the probably departing James Rodriguez.

Arsenal are already seemingly on-board with the world’s pottiness, as the Metro reports the Gunners have tabled a £51m bid for Juventus striker Alvaro Morata. Confusingly, the offer has been made to Real Madrid rather than Juve, because the Spanish side have a buyback option on their former player (which is a lot less than £51m).

Manchester City may make their long-talked-about move for Schalke’s Leroy Sane before the Euros, according to the Manchester Evening News. City scouts have been watching the £30m-rated forward “for months” and could act soon to avoid a “bidding war”, after the 20-year-old was named in Germany’s provisional squad for France 2016.

Elsewhere, Swansea want to sign former Premier League hotshot Junior Hoilett after his QPR contract expired (Mirror), the latest striker linked with Leicester is Ajax’s exotically named Polish international Arkadiusz Milik (Mirror) and Spanish side Espanyol believe Liverpool’s unwanted Italian Mario Balotelli could be the answer to their problems (Star). The world really has gone potty.

 

 

Read »

Woman In £1,000,000 Hat Tells Britain To ‘Live Within Its Means’

A woman sitting on a chair made of gold has encouraged the country to “live within its means” during these times of austerity while addressing a room full of millionaires.
She also voiced support for a government imposing longer working hours with less pay on junior doctors while wearing a hat encrusted with five rubies, 11 emeralds, 17 sapphires, 273 pearls and 2,868 diamonds.
“One also hopes one’s government will put superfast broadband at the top of its agenda,” she added. “Because the Wi-Fi at Balmoral is totally pants.”
She then left Parliament and returned to her £1 billion house. Her crown left shortly afterwards in its own horse-drawn carriage.

 

Read »

Ex-N. Korea army head, who Seoul said was executed, is alive

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) — A former North Korean military chief who Seoul had said was executed is actually alive and in possession of several new senior-level posts, the North's state media said Tuesday.
The news on Ri Yong Gil marks yet another blunder for South Korean intelligence officials, who have often gotten information wrong in tracking developments with their rival. It also points to the difficulties that even professional spies have in figuring out what's going on in one of the world's most closed governments.
Ri, who was considered one of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un's most trusted aides, missed two key national meetings in February. Seoul intelligence officials later said that Kim had him executed for corruption and other charges.
Kim has reportedly overseen a series of killings, purges and dismissals since he took power in late 2011, part of what foreign experts call an attempt to tighten his grip on power.
The South's report on Ri's execution seemed to be bolstered later in February when Pyongyang's official Korean Central News Agency confirmed Ri had lost his job by describing someone else as chief of the North Korean military's general staff.
He hadn't appeared anywhere in KCNA, the North's main media outlet for foreign audiences, until the report Tuesday that a person with the same name as Ri was among those awarded important positions during the just concluded Workers' Party congress in Pyongyang. The congress, the first in 36 years, ended Monday with announcements of personnel and organizational changes.
According to KCNA dispatches, Ri got three posts — member of the party's Central Committee, alternate member of the committee's powerful Political Bureau, and member of the party's Central Military Commission.
Seoul's Unification Ministry said Tuesday that it confirmed Ri is back after analyzing North Korean state media photos and video of the party congress.
South Korean media said that Seoul intelligence authorities were responsible for the initial reports on Ri's execution. But the National Intelligence Service — South Korea's main spy agency — tried to distance itself from the misstep, saying it never disclosed any information on Ri.
Monitoring developments among the North's ruling elite is very hard for outsiders; the country keeps strict tabs on visitors and its own state-run press acts as a disseminator of government propaganda. South Korea, which runs several intelligence organizations mainly tasked with spying on the North, has a mixed record.
Earlier this year, South Korean intelligence and defense officials faced criticism for failing to see in advance that North Korea had been preparing for its fourth nuclear test.
The NIS also failed to learn of the 2011 death of Kim Jong Il, the dictator father of Kim Jong Un, before Pyongyang's state TV announced it. In 2013, it saved its face by releasing its finding that Kim's powerful uncle Jang Song Thaek was purged, days before North Korea announced his execution.
The rival Koreas have shared the world's most heavily fortified border since the end of the 1950-53 Korean War, and they bar ordinary citizens from exchanging phone calls, letters and emails without special permission.

 

Read »

Barcelona to hike Neymar's release clause to at least £173.6m to ward off Manchester United

Barcelona want to increase Neymar's release clause to at least €220m (£173.6m, $250.6m) in the new deal that the Brazilian international is expected to sign at the end of the current campaign, according to Mundo Deportivo. The Spanish publication claims that the club are ready to reward the 24-year-old with a pay rise but are likely to increase his fee after Manchester United signalled they would be ready to match his current €190m price tag to lure him to Old Trafford.
Neymar's future at the Nou Camp has been under scrutiny since last summer due to delays in negotiations with the club over a new deal. Barcelona, nevertheless, are reportedly ready to match his salary demands but are unable to do so until July due to the club's financial rules which also prevents them from making any signings during the January transfer window.
The situation has sparked rumours about the star making a big money move elsewhere after United, as the player confirmed, tried to secure his services last summer.
Neymar's father, speaking in court in early February during the ongoing investigation into the player's transfer from Santos in 2013, revealed that the Red Devils are still interested and would be happy to settle his current release clause of €190m.
The player's agent, Wagner Ribeiro, said that PSG would not have any fiscal difficulties matching Neymar's clause either while adding that his client could be tempted by a move to the Ligue 1 billionaires.
So Mundo Deportivo now claims that Barcelona want to raise his release clause to at least €220m to ward off those suitors and keep Neymar at the Nou Camp for the long-term.
The deal, which would run until 2021 and is expected to be signed this summer, would put Neymar's buy-out clause only behind Lionel Messi's which is set at €250m.

 

Read »

An Indian teen was raped by her father. Village elders had her whipped.

In a scene captured on a cellphone video, one of the men wags his finger angrily at her. He rages: This girl must be punished.
A villager ties her waist with rope, holding the other end, and lifts a tree branch into the air. She bows her head. The first lash comes, then another, then another. Ten in all. She lets out a wail.
Eventually the crowd starts murmuring, "Enough, enough," although nobody moves to stop the beating. Finally, the man throws down his stick. It's over.
She is 13 years old. Or maybe 15. Her family doesn't know for sure. She has never set foot in a school and has spent most of her life doing chores at home, occasionally begging for food and performing in her father's acrobatic show, for which she is given 20 rupees, about 30 cents.

 

Read »

Jose Mourinho receives a job offer… but it’s not from Manchester United

Jose Mourinho may be holding out to succeed Louis van Gaal as Manchester United manager this summer, but he has now been offered the Indonesia national team job.
Indonesia—ranked 185th in the world—is reported by FourFourTwo to be ambitiously attempting to lure the former Chelsea manager to southeast Asia.
The country’s youth and sports minister, Imam Nahrawi, confirmed the national team was after the Portuguese manager but believes it won’t be easy.

 

Read »